Makin’ a Maple Bacon Tea Latte

I’m allergic to pork.

Pig’s meat and I don’t get along. I learned this the hard way as anyone would - while eating a sandwich. Maybe some might learn of so traumatic a food sensitivity via pizza or a hot dog, but mine was triggered by bad batch of organic, free-range deli ham. Yes, very manly. This occurrence made everything - with the exception of Irish rashers (because they’re blessed by leprechauns) - off limits.

Of course, as fate would have it, love of bacon reached meta-memetic proportions on the “Internets” and various other media. So exaggerated was this bacony adulation, that numerous unrelated products started hitting the market; bacon vodka, bacon clothing, bacon-flavored desserts. None of these caught my eye, and still I wallowed in my allergy.

Until a tea caught my eye.

A little company called 52Teas came up with a Maple Bacon Black Tea. Wha?! Ingredients for this magnificent monstrosity included an Assam/Nilgiri black tea base, imitation bacon pieces, and maple/bacon flavors. No actual bacon…which meant I could have it! Alas, due to the model of the site, the tea sold out rather quickly. It came up again in circulation, and - fueled by nerdy curiosity - I instantly bought some. (My review of that chimeric beast can be found HERE.)

(Note: The product is now a permanent staple at the 52Teas offshoot site; Man Teas.)

While I thought it was lacking in certain areas, generally I liked it. On a particularly experimental day, I added a dash of Lapsang Souchong (a pine-smoked black tea) to the maply mix. The result was pure morning manliness, but something was still missing. It was a good breakfast cup but wasn’t quite “breakfast in a cup”. My geeky gears started turning.

In the same months that I received the bacon tea, I also played around with tea lattes; inspired by the London Fog, an Earl Grey concoction. I’d tested out various combinations, but none of them were very - y’know - manly. Lattes were the subjects of soccer moms, poets, and pansies. It didn’t help that I loved them, especially in tea form. Not manly.

The answer was a Maple Bacon Tea Latte. Ingredients would be thus: Tea (Maple Bacon/Lapsang Souchong blend), milk (obviously), vanilla syrup, vanilla extract, stevia, and maple syrup. The Gods themselves could not imagine so blissfull a concoction. (Maybe…)

First Step: Brewing the tea. Both Lapsang Souchong and flavored black teas of an Indian origin were rather resilient to long steep times. For the purposes of manliness, dark and slightly bitter were the way to go. Four-to-five minutes would be the ideal steep time; 2 tsp worth in 8oz of boiled water to brew a perfect concentrate.

Second Step: Heating and frothing the milk. This could be touchy without a cappuccino machine…which I didn’t have. I opted for nuking the milk for a minute - coincided with the last minute of the tea concentrate’s infusion - then used a milk frother.

Third Step: Adding the syrups/sweeteners to the milk. I suppose this could be done after frothing the milk, but I chose to do it during. A dash of stevia (Shush! Stevia is MANLY!), a hint of vanilla extract, and generous splashes of maple and vanilla syrup. Cleanliness is key, depending on the sticky condition one can tolerate with their frother afterwards. Stickiness is not manly…er…sometimes.

(Note: According to a May entry of The Consumerist, Torani has a bacon-flavored syrup. So if you want extra baconiness, substitute the vanilla syrup with this.)

Fourth (and Final) Step: Fusing the tea concentrate with the miasmic milk. This is pretty self-explanatory. I added the sweet/syrupy milk to the tea, then stirred. The result was, well, a latte by its very definition.

I also chose to add cinnamon as a garnish on top. Why? Because cinnamon is MANLY! I dare you to disagree! (Ahem.) And, there ya have it. Pure breakfast in a cup. When I first tried it, I was blown away. I even guinea-pigged my brother into sipping it, and he agreed. By description alone, most people I told the idea to expressed revulsion at the concept. Hopefully, this little tale and tutorial convinces you - fair reader - otherwise.

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Wednesday, November 10th, 2010 Steep Stories

2 Comments to Makin’ a Maple Bacon Tea Latte

  1. Fascinating… I admit I’m a little bummed that the bacon craze came years after I stopped eating meat. I’m… curious, but not so curious that I feel like trying it again.

    Though, I just traded off all my smoky teas for being too “BBQ” for my tastes, so I don’t know if I could handle this or not.

    And bacon-flavored Torani? Really? What a world… :)

  2. Cody on November 10th, 2010
  3. Well, the Maple Bacon Black has no meat in it…but not sure if it would count as kosher or vegetarian. It makes a great substitute for me. And I can drink it.

    I learned of the new Torani bacon syrup by accident right after I wrote this. What a world indeed.

  4. Geoff on November 10th, 2010

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